If you’ve made it to Perfect Sanity on purpose, or even just as the result of a Google “surprise me” click, welcome. Believe us; we’re happy to have you here, even if you might’ve been looking for something else entirely different. Like the latest info on psychosis and its various treatment therapies, for example. For that matter, Perfect Sanity probably COULD help you, even with that. In some bizarro-world version of “Dr. Phil,” maybe, buy hey…stranger things have happened, right?
Actually, what we really hope to do on a regular basis is supply you with an analysis of events - current or otherwise, and warped or skewed as it (and they) may be on occasion - that’ll help you really think about what it is we’re confronted with during the course of our daily lives, and what we can (or sometimes can’t) do about it.
Other than telling you to rage about like some demonically-obsessed escapee from a Paris Hilton/Nicole Richie “The Simple Life” reunion show, we don’t have a one-size-fits-all prescription for what ails you. Trust us, we can barely manage to make it through our own miserable lives without having to take on the added responsibility of telling YOU what you should or shouldn’t do about your girlfriend’s dissatisfaction with your performance. Uh, we mean the performance of your seriously tuned ‘93 Honda Civic 2-door, racerboy-slammed-getthefuh-outta-my-face, full-of-Nitrous-ride. Yeah…that’s what we meant. Seriously.
Call us “The Sanitarians.” Not only for the fact of our mission (to look at things with perfect, ineluctable clarity of vision and SANITY) but also for this: Things in the world need to be cleaned up a bit - or at least made fun of - and we don’t intend to screw around doing it. If you don’t like sharp, scathing wit and insightful, humorous personality, this may not be the place for you. In fact, the “I’m Addicted to Wimpitude and Impotence in My Daily Life recovery program” folks meet about two search engine pages over to the right. We hear they’ve got a membership drive going, so if you know somebody who fits the description, we have a website address we can provide him or her.
Look: Life is absurd enough without any of us working what brain cells we have left on making stuff up. Trust us, real people and real things, and the foolishness that befalls them, are a damn sight funnier - or tragic - than most any fiction we could conjure up from the warped recesses of a set of brains already cudgeled into senselessness by overdoses of Steampunk literature, Japanese anime, and Moon Pies (especially the Moon Pies).
So sit back and relax. Crack open a six-pack of Red Bull, down a couple dozen of those sugar candies we sent your way, and remember this: No matter how much you think your life sucks (and it’s a fact that sometimes it will, no matter how unfair that may seem), there are always people out there whose lives suck even worse. Except for yours, of course. Your life is a perfect combination of suckiness and utter futility, which makes you the perfect candidate for that proofreader job we’ve got open. Care to apply?
